The answer is yes. And no.

Many mainline churches have been open and affirming of our LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters for a long time. They’ll likely have a welcoming message on their website, or on their sign board just outside their church. You may find a pride flag on their property, beckoning people to come as they are, a symbol of a safe, inclusive space.

My church experiences have largely been in evangelical/non-denominational spaces, and I will tell you that the vast majority of them are not affirming of LGBTQ+ folks. To be fair, some churches are forthcoming about their polices. I may not agree with their theology, but I appreciate knowing where they stand. In my opinion, these churches do less harm because the message is clear, and people can then choose whether or not they want to worship in that community.

In my experience, the churches that are most harmful are the ones who are not transparent. And that lack of clarity seems to be intentional.

🤔 Perhaps they don’t want to appear unloving, so they hide behind the mantra that “All are welcome.” True, but not true entirely. Remember, welcoming does not equal belonging.
🤔 Perhaps in a changing world they don’t want to appear discriminatory. According to a report by PRRI, Americans’ support for LGBTQ+ rights is higher than ever.
🤔 Perhaps they want to maintain the unity of the church, so they avoid the conversation entirely. They take the “nothing to see here” approach until someone starts asking questions. This is a false peace.
🤔 Perhaps they don’t want to see congregants leaving over hotly debated theology because the income of the church is tied to the number of people who attend.
🤔 Perhaps they’re not sure about, or can’t agree on, how to interpret the scriptures. Maybe they’re going through a season of discernment.🤔 Perhaps they hope that LGBTQ+ people will be transformed according to *their* ways, which are too often confused with God’s ways.

These churches will have no statement on their website. If they are a part of a denomination, these unspoken policies may be handed down to them – but sometimes they are made unilaterally by pastoral staff, even in a congregational model of governance. These churches usually appear to be modern and more progressive, but their theology is often quite conservative. Their unofficial policies are often not revealed until someone desires to become a member. By this time, people are already committed to the community. They’ve been attending, giving financially, volunteering, participating in church events – they are welcomed in and then turned away. This is referred to as the “bait and switch,” and it is incredibly harmful.

⚠️ This applies to families too – some people have invested their lives in the church and raised their families in the same community for years. Then, when their child is brave enough to come out, parents understandably have questions regarding how their child will be received in the church. This is when the truth is often revealed. Even if sexual ethics are never preached from the pulpit, silence speaks. And our youth are receiving the message: Same-sex couples don’t exist here. LGBTQ+ people aren’t celebrated here. “Don’t ask, don’t tell” is the M.O. here. Families inevitably leave, never to be heard from again. I’ve talked to so many parents who have had this experience. It is incredibly hurtful.

It doesn’t have to be this way.